There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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