Apparently you make a good broom.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
