Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
