every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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