tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
