it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
