Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
