I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
