then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
