Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
pray to the hookup gods
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
