im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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