she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
