I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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