She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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