Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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