I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
