I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
