I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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