Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
