I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
