Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
