And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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