That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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