there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
