wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
