I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
