I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
