Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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