I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So squirting runs in the family.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
