you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
