Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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