I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
