dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
