I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
