its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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