Got a toothbrush?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
