How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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