Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I forget how to act sober
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
