I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
