fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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