I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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