Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
