it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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