I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think my moral compass just broke
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize