Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
