i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
