I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
