Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
