I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
