I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
