I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
